Ways to Connect with a Parent With Mental Health Issues

For many individuals, becoming a parent or guardian can be an important milestone. However, it also brings about significant life changes that come with raising and providing for another person.

Having a community to fall back on is essential. This can be family members, friends, neighbours or even professionals - like teachers or counsellors - as parenting can be an incredibly challenging and collaborative journey.

Understanding mental health in parents

For some individuals, their mental health problems may have been something they were aware of prior to starting a family. But for others, it may have been something that came about later. For those facing these challenges, their previous coping strategies may not be as affective due to the significant life changes they are experiencing now as a parent.

Common mental health problems that parents may experience include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Pre-natal or Post-natal Depression

• Stress

• Post-traumatic stress

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

Recognising the signs when a parent is struggling with mental health

When a parent or guardian is struggling with their mental health, the first thing you might notice is that they are not behaving like their usual self. This may look like they are emotionally sensitive or even numb to what is going on in daily life.

Some other signs you may notice they are struggling are:

• Changes in behaviour

• Shorter temper

• Lower self-esteem

• Lack of self-care habits

• Low energy

• Emotionally sensitive

• Lack of personal hygiene unrelated to child rearing

• Not eating properly

• Lack of communicating with others

• Hesitant to reach out for support

Speaking about parents’ mental health

When we are exploring parent’s mental health, it can be important to communicate on a level that helps them. It’s also important to not be critical or judgemental of their current abilities.

These conversations can vary from person to person depending on where they are in their mental health journey. For some parents they may have already recognised that they have been struggling or are anticipating the deterioration of their mental health. For others, they may not have noticed or are unwilling to say they are struggling and accept support.

For each of these individuals, the language that is used to broach the subject of mental health is important. Without clear and careful consideration, a parent may take this as criticism or judgment of their parenting ability.

Active listening

Listening does not just mean being present in the moment whilst someone is talking. But taking on board what has been shared, using their own words or summarising to describe and show your understanding.

Alongside this, you may want to ask open-ended and relevant questions regarding what has been disclosed to clarify intent of what has been shared.

For example – ‘I hear you; it’s difficult adapting to a new routine and how it impacts what you were familiar with and used to. What do you feel could be helpful that I can do for you?’

‘You mentioned _____, has been hard for you to get time to manage it, can I help you by doing this with or for you?’

Create a safe environment

When introducing the conversation around parent’s mental health it can be important to ensure that the conversation is being held in a welcoming, compassionate and non-judgmental tone.

This may involve broaching the subject with the affected parent by asking them how they are doing or even sharing with them your concern for their wellbeing.

Sentence starters may look like – “I just want to check in with you and see how you’re doing?” or “How have you been looking after yourself recently? I want to help you during this time, is there anything I can do to support you?”

It can also be an idea not to just offer, but to also do things for the benefit of the parents without asking, as some may not feel able to ask.

This may look like:

• Making and providing them hot dinners and space to eat it

• Cleaning up the residence for them

• General household maintenance

• Caring for the child, so the parent/s can get a break or to shower, eat, sleep or entertain their own needs for that time.

• Buying, doing or taking them shopping to go about their weekly shop

• Space to share how they are feeling without interruptions

Helping a parent access mental health support

Helping parents to access mental health support does not need to be challenging or complex. Ask them if they would like you to help them in reaching out to the relevant services, offer to go with them or taking their child/children during the time in which they are reaching out/accessing support.

Finding support for yourself as a caregiver

Accessing support can feel like a daunting step to take, however, the follow through is key. Therefore, reaching out via the 24/7 helpline, 24/7 live chat or the video chat can be your initial step to then explore what further support could be useful for you.

Avoiding common mistakes when supporting a parent with mental health

When supporting people with managing their mental health concerns, take care not to assume or pass judgment on what they should or should not be doing.

It is also important to consider what worked for you, may not work for the parent. There can be many important contextual and individual differences in each unique case that may not have been relevant for yourself during your own experience.

Therefore, make the support you provide relevant to the parent you are seeking to support.

How can an Employee Assistance Programme help you

The Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) can be a useful initial tool to begin your journey of understanding what is going on for yourself and what support is available to you in this initial moment.

Our counsellors can be reached through various platforms such as the helpline, live chat or video. You can use these spaces to share, explore and manage the impact of your experiences. A counsellor will work with you to create or use tools to make new and more informed choices moving forward in supporting yourself in the long- term

You can reach out to your organisation for the required details to access our support, or alternatively, if you go to the Contact Us page on the Wisdom app or your link, you will be able to locate the different access points.

Conclusion

Each parent has a different experience of mental health challenges, take time to understand their perspective and practice compassion towards what they need. Be extra careful not to judge a parent or guardian when they’re suffering from poor mental health, and instead, use active listening to make them feel heard and understood. Make sure to signpost them to the right place, such as crisis support or our EAP for professional support.