How to Build Confidence and Body Positivity

Across the United Kingdom, the scale of difficulties associated with body image is unprecedent. Government statistics indicate over 60% of adults feel either negative or very negative about their body image most of the time. Around two-thirds of children and young people feel the same way, which, now more than ever, sometimes escalates into serious psychiatric disorders, such as eating disorders and self-harm.

Women (and girls) are especially vulnerable to body image distress, who are more likely than men (and boys) to be insecure about their physical appearance, especially their weight. Saying that, however, men report more extreme negative feelings towards their bodies. As such, they currently display more signs of body dysmorphia (i.e. excessive worry about physical appearance, resulting in severe distress) than their female counterparts. This particularly affects men influenced by body-building culture, who are the most at-risk group of developing ‘muscle dysmorphia’ (i.e. feeling too small or insufficiently muscular, causing severe anxiety).

People with disabilities are the most vulnerable when it comes to body image distress, with less than one in 10 reporting any kind of positive feelings about their physical appearance. Unmistakably, these statistics point to a massive crisis in confidence relating to body image, which is affecting every demographic group in the country.

Understanding Confidence and Body Positivity

Developing confidence with regards to how we feel about our physical appearance is at the foundation of “body positivity”, which is a social movement that celebrates all bodies, regardless of weight, shape, height, skin tone, or physical capability. Body positivity first emerged in nineties as a response to the unrealistic beauty standards established by the entertainment and fashion industries, which were then entrenched in the Western media. These beauty standards became global benchmarks to judge not only the attractiveness of celebrities, but also our friends, family, and, more importantly, ourselves.

It is important to realise these beauty standards are still very prevalent today, despite the great campaign work by the body positivity movement. In the main, female beauty standards consist of being slim, average-height, able-bodied, and having straight hair, whereas, for men, it is being muscular, able-bodied, tall, and having straight hair. Whiteness and youthfulness are also an established premium. Those of us that deviate from this can be left feeling as though our bodies are less attractive than others, affecting our confidence in ourselves and our appearance.

Beauty standards have varied across time and culture and more than anywhere else there is a greater variety in individual preferences when it comes to attractiveness. The old saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” rings true and is worth remembering whenever we find ourselves focused on some part of our own bodies that we are less pleased with.

Challenging Unrealistic Beauty Standards

In her best-selling book, the Beauty Myth, Noami Wolf states that we are all oppressed by these unrealistic beauty standards, even those that seemingly meet them. Thus, if you are struggling with body image issues, the first thing to do is to challenge the beauty standards that are most likely informing your negative feelings about your body, because they are not only unrealistic but unhealthy. These beauty standards are also discriminatory towards people who are overweight, non-white, and disabled, which is extra reason to challenge them.

If we wish to challenge unrealistic beauty standards then we can of course join campaigns and lobby for increased legislation on the use of photoshop and similar programmes in media and greater representation of all types of bodies in the public sphere. On a personal level, it can start by identifying any small thing that you do like about your own body. Do you have bright, clear eyes? Strong, healthy hair? Are you proud of what your body can do for you – can you run far, climb, lift heavy weights, dance, swim, or offer comforting cuddles to your loved ones? There are a million reasons to love our bodies, whatever they look like, what reasons can you identify for yourself?

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Having a poor body image may be influenced by beauty standards that are external to the individual; however, they only become full-blown mental health issues when the individual engages in constant self-criticism due to a perceived inability to live up these beauty standards. In such instance, people can reduce their exposure to unrealistic beauty images, but they will always struggle to turn-off that voice in their heads that says, ‘You are ugly’, every time they look in the mirror. Such negative self-talk explains why it is hard for someone who struggles with poor body image to receive any compliments regarding their appearance, namely: because they have told themselves - countless times per day - that they are unattractive. Especially for women, this self-talk leads to stubborn insecurities around not only their appearance but also lovability.

Practising self-compassion, therefore, is essential in building confidence and body positivity. This entails treating yourself the way you would expect your dearest friend would treat you, which includes positively reframing the negative things you often say about your body. For example, if we have put on a few pounds recently, our dearest friend would not criticise us for this, but rather offer comfort by saying, for example, that we have been too busy with other, more important things to keep to a strict diet – and that is okay! An act of self-compassion would be to extend – from ourselves to ourselves - the same words of comfort when we are lacking body positivity.

Practicing Positive Self-Talk

Practising self-compassion also means changing the language we use to talk about ourselves. Indeed, an age-old truism of self-compassion is thus: “Be careful to what you say to yourself because you are listening”. This means preventing the use of abusive language during self-talk, as this language hurts us in the same way as it would if was directed at us from someone else. Thus, especially when we are feeling bad about our appearance, it is really important to say something – anything – nice about our bodies, because we are always listening to what we say about ourselves.

This does not have to include something relating to appearance, although this would certainly be helpful. For some people, saying anything remotely positive about their bodies is very difficult. Among such people, focussing on strengths beyond beauty may be best way forward. For example, a person can look kind, safe, intelligent, charismatic, or interesting which are wonderful things to be. Finding something positive we can say about our physical selves on this basis is crucial in building confidence and body positivity. If body positivity is too far a stretch at the moment, then practicing body neutrality would be a good place to start. This means adopting a nonjudgemental acceptance of one’s body, especially perceived flaws. Whilst this does not always lead to body confidence, it nevertheless mitigates the effects of constant negative self-talk.

Setting Realistic and Empowering Goals

In addition to these coping mechanisms, there are also practical things we can strive towards that will help boost confidence and body positivity over time. Among the most important, especially among the young generations, would be to be mindful about our choices when engaging with social media, as not all of the content available is helpful to us. Images of beauty on social media are rarely accurate representations of reality; nevertheless, they have been shown to have a negative impact on those that feel they do not compare to these images. Therefore, gradually reducing our exposure to these images is a crucial prerequisite for body positivity.

Another practical step towards body positivity would be to build a supportive community, consisting of friends, family, and workmates who are also struggling with their body image, as well as engaging with organisations, charities and campaigns that promote body positivity. Building community instils a sense of not-being-alone in a person, which is desperately needed when pushing back against the beauty standards that oppress ultimately everyone, but especially those that are made to feel unattractive because they lack, or possess, certain physical characteristics.

Conclusion

Building confidence and body positivity takes time, as the psychical effects of toxic beauty standards on the individual often has its roots in childhood and becomes entrenched throughout adulthood. This means undoing decades of conditioning around ‘not being good enough’ vis-a-vis our physical appearance. However, this can still be achieved with self-care techniques (e.g. self-compassion and positive self-talk), supportive community, and an awareness of the way unrealistic beauty standards forces all of us to feel bad about our bodies. So, please, sooner than rather later, take action against unrealistic beauty standards and start feeling more confident in your own body.

If you need support with issues related to negative body image, please reach out to a counsellor at Health Assured via live chat, online video, or the helpline, who will provide expert, instantaneous advice, guidance and signposting at anytime of the day or night.

Further Reading

Chiat, Alissa. "Body Positivity Movement: Influence of Beauty Standards on Body Image." (2021).

Fardouly, Jasmine, and Lenny R. Vartanian. "Social media and body image concerns: Current research and future directions." Current opinion in psychology 9 (2016): 1-5.

Neff, Kristin. Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. Hachette UK, 2011.

Wolf, Naomi. The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women. Random House, 2013.