Caring for Yourself When Caring for a Loved One

Caring for a person you love regardless of the circumstances, is one of the most noble things you can do. Specific people who may be suffering with certain conditions may require this care, which may involve personal concessions and circumstantial adjustments. However, with these changes, it can be easy to forget to care for yourself. If you aren’t maintaining your own wellbeing, you won’t be able to provide a sufficient level of care to a loved one.

Being a carer

The NHS defines a carer as anyone, whether it is child or adult who is providing the care and looking after another person due to a type of condition where support is essential. Becoming a carer for a loved one is an unpaid responsibility, but if you are providing full-time support (at least 35 hours a week), you can apply for Carer’s Allowance. To become a carer, you will not only need the consent of the family member you are caring for but also register with your GP so they can effectively support you. In a lot of cases, it is worth informing the GP of the loved on you are caring for and registering as the point of contact with your loved one’s GP on their behalf. This can help cut through red tape when needed to seek the necessary assistance with reduced delay. As well as this, it is recommended that social services assess your loved one’s needs and suggest the necessary adjustments to support them and make the process as smooth and comfortable as possible.

Despite caring for another and feeling a sense of reward, the task can take its toll and lead to a decline in mental wellbeing if it isn’t kept in check. Whether it is long-term or short-term, if you are not taking care of your mental health, your ability to care for someone else will be heavily impacted. With this in mind, you need to guarantee your own wellbeing to ensure the wellbeing of your loved one.

How to take care of yourself

There are many things' caregivers must deal with, and when they are caring for a loved one, their wellbeing can easily take a backseat as they dedicated themselves to the person they are caring for. It may seem complex to maintain your wellbeing when acting as a carer, but it often involves the same steps that would be expected of anyone daily.

Regular exercise

Even though most of your time will be taken up caring for your loved one, it is essential to find time in the day to do some physical exercise. It doesn’t have to be extensive. 15–30-minute bouts of physical activity each day can make all the difference. Without regular exercise, you can quickly become drained of energy and more susceptible to illness, rendering you incapable of effectively caring for someone. Your chosen exercise could be as simple as going for a brisk walk quick stretches or even seated aerobics. Another option is if you would like something more engaging, you can follow one of the short videos on the Wisdom App, detailing a routine to follow.

Eat healthy food and keep a balanced diet

With the pressures and time constraints that come with being a full-time carer, it can be tempting to choose convenient and less nutritious meal options, such as fast food. It can be easy to fall into this habit and ignore the essential nutrients and minerals your body requires to keep you energised throughout the day. Maintaining a balanced diet will also be extremely beneficial for your mental health, maintaining concentration levels and enabling you to better manage your emotions so you can deal with more challenging moments more effectively.

Get proper rest

The worry and strain of caring for a loved one can also cause immense stress and prevent you from keeping a healthy sleeping pattern. Ensuring you get the recommended 6-8 hours of sleep each night may involve performing an activity before going to bed to help wind down, such as following a breathing exercise or meditating and avoiding using digital devices. If you continually struggling, additional support in the form of counselling may be required to assess the issue and to find possible solutions.

Take time to focus on yourself

It can be easy to lose track of yourself when acting as a full-time carer. Your hobbies and passions may fall to the wayside, and you may stop partaking in activities you enjoy as your focus is understandably compromised while caring for a loved one. However, this can have a negative impact on your mental health, and in turn your caring capabilities too. Much like dieting and regular exercise, finding some short windows to do things you enjoy, whether that is reading, writing or any other pursuit, it can be extremely therapeutic, refresh your mind and prepare you to provide a high-level of care and understanding.

Socialise and speak to others

To avoid isolating yourself, ensure you maintain a social element in your life. This does not have to be extensive; it can be a flying visit to see a friend, inviting someone over for a cup of tea, using social media or video calling apps such as FaceTime or Zoom - anything that provides an outlet for socialising can be hugely beneficial.

Dealing with your feelings

It is natural to experience a wide range of intense emotions as a carer. The nature of caring for a loved one can muster up feelings of sadness, stress, relief, gratitude, resentment and guilt. It can be a lot for a person to manage and if it isn’t managed, it may lead to depression, anxiety and emotional burnout. This is a common occurrence and nothing to feel ashamed of. To deal with these emotions and effectively address any issues that may accompany them, it is necessary to be open about them and seek support when necessary. The emotions a carer experiences can weigh heavily on them, especially when they are caring for a friend, relative or partner. Being open about your emotions with others, whether it be someone close to you or a professional enables you to face them head on and overcome them to continue with your responsibilities.

Something that is underestimated as a carer is coping with loss and bereavement. Even when this it may be expected, it can still be incredibly difficult to deal with. You may have been caring for this person for years; they may have raised you and you have taken up the responsibility of caring for them. Whatever the case is, loss is never easy. It can take years to process the loss, and you may need expert support. With our Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), you will have access to expert bereavement and grief counselling services. Our expert in-house counselling team are available 24/7, 365-days a year and are trained to provide you with expert grief counselling. If you require expert support during an especially tough period, contact our team today.

Signs of caregiver stress

The same as any role, caregivers can experience stress, however, due to the nature of what they are dealing with, the stress can build over time. Here are some of the key indicators to remain aware of to avoid burnout or mental health issues:

1. Fatigue

Caring for a loved one who is not capable of caring for themselves can be both physically and emotionally draining. Due to the wide range of emotions you experience and the intensity of them can quickly take their toll. Pair this along with the physical responsibilities of a carer and you can quickly become exhausted and burnt out due to the stress of juggling the responsibilities and your own wellbeing.

2. Irritable

Stress can affect sleep quality and your emotional state. When you aren’t getting enough rest, you may become irritable. This will become evident when socialising with others or even dealing with the requests and needs of the person you are caring for.

3. Anxiety

In a similar way to irritability, when you are dealing with the stress of caring for a loved one, you can become extremely anxious. Lack of rest will heighten your emotions and because of the nature of caring for a loved one who may be vulnerable, you can very quickly become anxious about the situation and their current state.

4. Low mood

The difficult nature of caring can already muster up feelings of depression and lower your mood, but due to stress and burnout, the exhaustion can lower your mood further and intensify any feelings of depression, making it more difficult to address.

5. Isolation

When you are stressed, and having to continually care for the same person, your stress levels may rise, and you may feel the best way to avoid imparting these emotions onto others or the person you are caring for is to isolate yourself. Many people do the same in office roles, but in the case of a carer, isolating due to stress can be detrimental as the role actively revolves around interacting with another person.

Tips to manage caregiver stress

Whilst being a carer is particularly stressful; it is vital to manage stress levels to carry out the necessary responsibilities. Here are some useful tips to help manage stress as a caregiver:

1. Connect with others

Caring for a loved one can sometimes be quite isolating, especially depending on the level of care that needs to be imparted. You may end up inadvertently separating yourself from your social connections to dedicate yourself to the level of care you aim to deliver. This can end up being hugely detrimental to a person's mental health. Even when you are a full-time carer for a loved one, be sure to stay in contact with others, it may be family members, friends, online communities, whoever can provide a human connection, empathy, understanding and relief.

2. Focus on what you can do in a day

Sometimes, caring can be overwhelming as you become concerned with the level of care you are delivering. Are you tending to this need? Was this suitable? Could more have been done? One way to relieve this stress is setting small goals for each day, what you aim to achieve, tasks to complete, all while ensuring the person you are caring for is happy and comfortable.

3. Seek support if necessary

In certain instances, caring for a loved one and the pressure associated with it can be too much, especially for those who are first time carers. In cases such as this, professional assistance may be required. This might be speaking to your GP who may be able to direct you to the relevant advice lines or, if you have access to our EAP, you can speak to our expert counsellors for advice on how to deal with the stress of being a carer.

Respite care

When a person is on the verge of an emotional breakdown or extreme burnout and depression, their capacity for caring for another person may be significantly impacted and lowered. In these instances, respite care might be the best option.

Respite care means that whilst you take a break from caring, someone else will come in and take over the responsibilities of care. This form of care doesn’t necessarily fit a specific timeframe; it could relate to a few days or even just a few hours whilst you get some rest. Another option for this could be arranging to have the person you are caring for to be placed in a day care centre to give you some sort of respite from the challenges associated with being a carer. Other forms of respite care include:

• Home carers

• Paid carers

• Short stay care homes

• Friend and family support

• Sitting services

To access support from respite carers, it is typically suggested that you go through the channel of your local council to assess which type of respite care is most suitable and if you may be eligible for council funding.

How can you support a caregiver?

If you know someone who is a caregiver and believe they require additional assistance and are struggling with their mental health, there are a variety of ways in which you can support them, including:

Listening to their issues

Much like with any instance of a person struggling with their mental health, providing them an outlet to air their issues and grievances can act as a form of problem solving. They can bounce ideas off you, relieve some of their pent-up frustrations and emotions or even discuss an issue through with you.

Briefly relieving them of their care duties

When a person is frustrated, stressed and heading towards burnout, the best thing you may be able to do for them is give them a chance to rest. This might be acting as a respite carer, helping their loved one, carrying out some responsibilities, or anything that can even briefly relieve some of the pressures and stress may boost their mental wellbeing.

Help with everyday tasks

Helping a carer with basic tasks such as running errands for them, collecting their groceries, helping them with cleaning around the house. It may seem basic, but these small gestures will have a huge impact on the time they are able to spend caring for their loved one.

Signpost them towards relevant support

If you can see that a carer is struggling and you are unsure on the level of care they require or believe they need the support of an expert, look into accessible support and begin making them aware of as much. It can be a difficult topic to broach, but it can be extremely helpful to them in the future.

How can an EAP help caregivers?

If you are a carer and have access to our Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), not only will be able to access a host of wellbeing resources including expert counselling, but so will your immediate family. In instances of a loved one needing full-time care, it can take a toll not only on the carer, but on their family as well. For this very reason, we ensure that caregivers and their families are afforded unmatched support.

Whether it is for in the moment, proactive support, advice on financial or legal support in reference to the relevant topics, or even bereavement and grief support if the worst does come to pass, our counsellors will be there and ready to support you and your family, 24/7, 365-days a year.

Conclusion

Caregivers are inundated with some of the most testing and emotionally draining job responsibilities possible, and this is only intensified when it is for a loved one and can be unbelievably intimidating as a first-time caregiver. Due to the nature of the role, it is often necessary to seek support to help guide them through this difficult process and be able to deliver the necessary level of care and support to a loved one.