How to deal with bereavement by suicide

Please note: This blog post includes information regarding suicide, suicide prevention and bereavement by suicide. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please contact us via wisdom.healthassured.org.

Grief and feelings of loss are some of the most complex emotions of the human experience. These feelings can become more complex and all-consuming when the cause of the bereavement is suicide. It can be a shock your system, especially if you tried your upmost to support the individual. Whatever the circumstances of the loss, all reactions to suicide are valid.

It can be incredibly difficult to deal with loss and overcoming it can take time. There is no single way to deal with bereavement by suicide, but there are proven methods to ease the process and begin to overcome the grief.

It is worth remembering that methods of coping and overcoming grief are not intended to erase the feelings you have experienced. Any methods that may help you through a grieving process are intended to help a person cope with the feelings and come to terms with that which they are experiencing, rather than becoming overwhelmed by them or rejecting them which can be damaging to a person’s mental health.

Feelings of grief are a natural response to loss; they should not be rejected or bottled up. Coming to terms with them is how a person can cope and eventually grow.

Related article: Mental Health resources if you have thoughts of suicide

What you might feel when someone dies by suicide

Much like with any bereavement, you may experience a range of emotions. When it comes to coping with/managing bereavement by suicide, the emotions can be complex, incredibly confusing and even frustrating. Here are just a few examples of the mixed emotions you may experience as a result of someone ending their life:

• Grief

• Sadness

• Guilt

• Regret

• Shock

• Stress

• Anger

• Shame

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Trauma

• Fatigue

• Isolation

The range of emotions is intense/distressing, and it is not easy to deal with. Thoughts of “why?”, “how?”, “what could I have done?”, “did I do enough?”, and “is this my fault?” can be overwhelming. The mixture of powerful emotions stemming from such a traumatic loss, can lead a person to lash out and blame themselves, others or even the victim in some cases.

You may have been incredibly close to the person who has ended their life, which can lead you to feel abandoned and alone in grieving the loss of one of your closest relationships. The emotions can be devastating. But you must remember that you are not alone. Even if you may have been the closest person in the world to the person who ended their life, there will be others in a similar situation who understand your pain and can support you through this terrible time.

In certain instances, the trauma of losing a loved one to suicide can lead you to experience depression, and you may even begin experiencing suicidal thoughts yourself as you feel unable to cope. If you do begin to experience suicidal thoughts, please ensure you seek professional support.

This could be from The Samaritans, or speaking to a counsellor who can talk you through your issues, aim to find a solution and give you the secure outlet to discuss your feelings before things reach a critical point. This can be done through HA | Wisdom Wellbeing’s Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), where you can connect to an expert counsellor, 24/7, 365 days a year. However, if you have reached a critical point and it can now be considered a crisis situation, please contact The Samaritans Suicide Crisis Helpline, or the emergency services (111 or 999 if you have taken the steps to end your life) for emergency assistance.

What support is available for suicide bereavement?

When dealing with any sort of bereavement, it is imperative that a person has a reliable and trustworthy support network to help them through. This may be even truer in the case of losing a loved one to suicide. The feelings raised could lead the bereaved person to consider suicide themselves if they aren’t supported. If you are currently experiencing bereavement due to suicide, here are some services and support you can turn to assist you through the process:

Charities

One of the most accessible forms of support is charitable organisations. These organisations understand the struggles you are experiencing and are specifically established and dedicated to supporting you with these struggles. This support can include helpline support, forums and even support groups which can be local or virtual. Here are just a few of the organisations that can support those dealing with bereavement by suicide:

• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide

• Cruse Bereavement Support

• Sue Ryder

• The Samaritans – Facing the Future Groups

• Suicide&Co | Support after Suicide Bereavement

Friends and family

Those closest to you often understand you better than anyone and can see when you are struggling. In many cases, they may be experiencing the same feelings if they knew the person for whom you are grieving. It can alleviate a lot of the stress, pressure and misplaced guilt you may be feeling to discuss your feelings openly with someone you trust. It might be with a parent or guardian, a sibling, cousin, best friend.

Counselling

While a robust support network is hugely beneficial during the grief process, you may have a small support network or feel uncomfortable discussing your feelings with loved ones. If you feel that you need further support, it can be helpful to access counselling support to explore your feelings in a secure and confidential environment. There are various ways to access counselling. This could be through a referral by your GP, a local counselling service, or through an Employee Assistance Programme.

You can even fund counselling privately. In structured counselling, you will attend regular sessions in which you can explore and understand your feelings with the support of a therapist. Your therapist will help you to determine personalised coping strategies to help you manage difficult emotions and situations, including bereavement and the grief process.

If you feel as though you need professional support, please contact a counsellor today.

Relates article: How to Talk About Suicide with Your Friends and Loved Ones 

How can an Employee Assistance Programme help with suicide bereavement?

Bereavement can be a tough process to work through, and emotions can be heightened if you are facing bereavement by suicide. In certain instances, reliable, expert support may be necessary. Using HA | Wisdom Wellbeing’s Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), you can access 24/7 counselling, 365-days a year.

As the only UK’s only nationally accredited BACP accredited EAP provider, our counsellors are fully prepared to provide unrivalled support and expertise. Offering a counselling in the form of goal orientated counselling and trauma-specific intervention, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) alongside critical incident advice, our team are dedicated and ready to support you. We know how difficult a process bereavement can be, so we are dedicated to providing the support you need to heal and overcome the tragedy of suicide.

Conclusion

The grief you will face after losing someone to suicide is a process. It takes time. Wrestling your emotions and dealing with inner conflict, grief and stress takes time, and anyone dealing with these needs reliable support to get through it. You will face difficulties, it may seem like too much at times, but having support in place to will help you grieve in a healthy manner. Remember, if you feel it is all becoming too much, immediately seek expert support.